3 posts tagged “strange title”

Today was my first official client meeting and it was with a “high dollar” client.  I got the scoop about my contact before the meeting.  I was told a number of things.

·         This Guy likes to embellish his professional experience

·         This Guy enjoys talking about himself

·         This Guy tends to talk down to others

Great…I am already looking forward to screwing with This Guy.

We arrive a few minutes late because Scottsdale Road is under so much construction that I felt the need to pull out my travel scissors and stab a worker in the neck, kick him in the balls and scream in his face yet, I refrained.

As we walk into the room I notice two additional nerds in attendance.

This Guy ends up looking like a clone of Eddie Haskel but with a NYC accent.

Nerd #1 is Fat Bastard from the classic Austin Powers flicks.

Nerd #2 is the spitting image of Ted Bundy but with greasy hair and I am pretty sure that he was asthmatic, I kept hearing a wheeze.

I reach out to shake Ted’s hand and he offers me not only a limp hand shake but a clammy shake.  Where in the hell was his hand prior to be touching my virgin hand?  Nasty!  I could not reach for my trial sized hand sanitizer so I wipe the sweat on my newly dry cleaned slacks.

This Guy is hilarious.  I can hardly look at him without thinking that at any minute he is going to compliment me and call me Mrs. Cleaver. 

Fat Bastard is gasping with every word that he speaks and Ted is sitting to my left staring at my shoulder for the entire meeting.

As we are winding up the meeting, This Guy explains that he does not do business with companies that expect half payment upfront.  Once he is happy with the final project then he will make the payment.

I am not sure what world this snake is living in but it is not the REAL WORLD.  I smiled at him and shook my head up and down while thinking to myself how I will be able to spin this to the owner of our company.

Fortunately, I have a knack for spinning things and guess what?  I will soon be on the receiving end of a fat commission check.

Sometimes, I just love myself. 

Please Voxers, pray for Fat Bastard and Ted tonight…. I think that they both need to get “some”…soon.

Happy Easter Voxers!

So this evening has been enlightening, I made dinner for one (me) and settled down to watch some really bad television.

Have you seen Rock of Love II on VHI?  If not, check this out :  http://www.vh1.com/shows/series/rock_of_love_2/splash.jhtml

Remember Bret Michaels from 80's hair band, Poison?  Yeah well, if I squint really hard and rub my temples I too recall the greatness of B.M.  I will admit that I was a bit of a fan of the Aqua Net, to much Cover Girl and pants that fit just a bit to snug.  For a brief period, I had a crush on the "Metalhead".

Fast forward to many years to count, Poison has died a slow death but Bret Michaels has managed to find a way to keep his career and receding hairline in the public eye.  He launched a show last year titled, Rock of Love.  It was highly comical yet I found myself watching the weekly soap and thought that it would never be matched.

Ha!  I snicker at the thought because B.M. has totally topped Season 1 with a second season of Rock of Love that is not only tackier but sluttier and there is even more drama.  I love it.

These girls are dumber than a box of rocks.  It is so funny.  I keep thinking that each episode cannot top the last but guess what?  They keep getting better.

B.M. is fine but he is not exactly Brad Pitt.  Do they not suspect that he has hair plugs due to the fact that he always has a hat or at bandana on his head?  He has a bit of a beer gut and he continues to say, "I just really need to find a woman that can be accepting of my "rock-n-roll" lifestyle"...what does that mean? 

My interpretation is that he wants a woman that meets the following criteria:

*  She have a really bad bleach job with a minimum of 3 inches of dark brown roots.

*  She wear a bikini while walking around the house for no reason.

*  She will be a professional when it comes to dancing with a vertical pole.

*  She say the following words at least 10 times per hour, "sh*t, f*ck, a**hole and b*tch".

*  She wake by noon and immediately start drinking an alcoholic beverage.

*  She has owns no footwear that has a minimum of a 4" heal (some have live fish swimming in them).

*  She MUST be okay with B.M. having "relations" with other women during the term of their courship.

I really hope that B.M. finds his true love on Rock of Love II but to be honest, I hope not.  I would love a 3rd season of this trainwreck.  I love it.

Late... 

Audio: Share an album or song in your collection with a really strange title.

Crazy Bitch by Buck Cherry

That says it all!